


Too Upside Down

by SophieRomanoff97



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Cursed Captain Hook | Killian Jones, Cursed Hyperion Heights, Cursed Rumplestiltskin | Mr. Gold, Depression, Dissociation, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Family, Family Feels, Graphic Description, Hearing Voices, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Hyperion Heights, I'm Bad At Summaries, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Bad At Titles, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Medication, Mental Anguish, Mental Health Issues, Panic Attacks, Parent Captain Hook | Killian Jones, Parent Wishverse Captain Hook| Detective Rogers, Parent-Child Relationship, Psychosis, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Tilly needs a hug, minor binge eating
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-23
Updated: 2018-06-23
Packaged: 2019-05-27 12:29:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15024629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SophieRomanoff97/pseuds/SophieRomanoff97
Summary: After a day of not remembering anything, and with her voices too loud, Tilly makes the decision to end her life. Numb and hopeless, feeling like her only friends in the world wouldn't care if she dies, she takes the final step into the darkness.I'm bad at summaries, a somewhat partner fic to my other fic Upside Down, this shows us the dark turn the story would take should Tilly give into the voices.Graphic suicide attempt, other TW's inside.Do not read this if you are easily triggered, I'd rather I get no views than anyone be triggered. Please be careful.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone. This is...I don't even know how to explain it. An au divergence of my fic Upside Down. I didn't want to include a suicide attempt in that fic, for a couple of reasons. You don't need to read that fic first but I do recommend it as it goes into detail about Tilly's mental health that we don't see much of in the show (yes I'm a little salty about it). Anyway basically it would make more sense to read my other fic, but not necessary. And this is a divergence on that fic, and kinda separate. I cannot explain things. Anyway tw's are: homophobic slurs directed at oneself, voices saying slurs and mean things, graphic suicide attempt, referenced self harm, mental illness', depression, anxiety, psychosis, hallucinations and voices, dissociation.
> 
> THIS IS YOUR LAST WARNING THERE IS A GRAPHIC SUICIDE ATTEMPT IN THIS FIC PLEASE DO NOT READ IF TRIGGERED EASILY
> 
> Please be careful, lots of love.

Tilly had lost almost a whole day of time when she finally realised where she was. 

She'd come to stand at the foot of the troll, and didn't remember anything since the day before.

She had nothing on her except her keys, shoved into the pocket of her signature jacket.

With a heavy heart, and more confused than she had been in a long time, she headed back to Rogers' apartment. 

The voices battered Tilly's mind as she walked, barefoot and in the dark.

Stupid, stupid Tilly. Fucking idiot, it's not difficult to be normal. Freak. Robin will leave, you're such a fucking freak. A screwed up, crazy little girl with no parents and no self esteem. A fucking faggot, who no one will ever love. No one knows your name, no one knows who you are. No one will miss you. No one will even know you're gone.

Shuddering, Tilly unlocked the door and flicked on a couple of lights.

From the moment she'd come to, her mind had been made.

It wasn't the first time she'd considered killing herself.

Many times she had wanted to.

Most recently, jumping from the window at the hospital.

A part of her had wished she'd been too high up and had died there.

Shedding her jacket, she stepped into the bathroom, rolling her sleeves up.

No one had seen her without long sleeves in years. They hid a lot.

She turned on the shower and numbly made her way around the apartment.

She wrote a simple, to the point letter to Robin, Rogers', and Weaver. She said she was sorry for the mess she would make, and that she was sorry the voices had won.

A part of her knew she might be missed, but that part was locked away and overpowered by the voices.

She said that they had made her life an adventure and that she wished she'd been strong enough to carry on. 

That she loved then more than she could ever love herself.

Maybe they would have loved her if she wasn't such a freak.

Maybe.

With the letter in plain sight, she retreated to the bathroom.

Closing and locking the door, Alice slid down the wood.

She was an emotional girl and cried often but this past week had been different.

She'd felt numb and closed off, no tears would come, she trudged through her days, blank and cold.

She should feel scared, sad, angry. All she felt was resigned.

This needed to be done.

Hoping to make less of a mess to be cleaned up, she sat in the bottom of the shower.

Water poured down over her, drenching her hair and clothes and making them stick to her.

She usually used blades. They wouldn't be enough for now. She'd taken one of Rogers' kitchen knives. It would wash easily enough.

If not, she'd left her weeks paycheck next to the letter to pay for a new one.

Taking a deep breath, the girl leaned against the wall and held the knife to her wrist.

It was harder than it looked on tv, and took almost twenty minutes to get the job done.

The voices had quietened and as Tilly let the waves of dizziness wash over her, she was uncertain she'd made the right choice.

But the voices had stopped and her head felt clear for the first time in a long time.

Closing her eyes, she murmured a soft 'sorry' to no one in particular.

Blackness crowded her mind and soon everything faded.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Margot and Rogers' find Tilly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be careful, heed trigger warning. Lots of love.

Margot had stopped off at the station after taking her break at Roni's. 

She'd not seen Tilly for over a day but had received some...weird messages from the girl.

She'd been swamped at the bar, with her mother and aunt up to something they wouldn't explain.

She missed her Tilly, and could tell from the messages that something wasn't right.

"Rogers?" The blonde stuck her head around the door to his office. 

"Margot." The man smiled warmly, standing.

"What can I do for you?"

"Did you see Tilly this morning? I got some weird messages and I'm worried about her."

"I...No. I had to leave early to work the case and I left her in bed." He frowned. Something didn't feel right to him either.

"Let's go see if she's home." He said quietly, grabbing his jacket and car keys.

He felt nauseous the entire drive over to the apartment. The two sat in silence, their worry palpable.

Unlocking the door, they both called out for the girl, Margot moving to the bathroom when she heard the shower. 

Rogers' had stepped towards the coffee table, and the paper that sat there.

His eyes scanned the note and in seconds, he was slamming his shoulder into the door.

"What are you doing?!" Margot exclaimed, eyes wide as the door cracked under his movements.

"Call an ambulance. Now." He demanded, eyes dark as the door gave way.

The scene that greeted them was like something out of a horror movie.

Tilly was slumped over under the spray of water, blood coating the inside of the stall.

The knife lay just past her fingertips.

"Tilly-" Rogers' choked out, knees weak as he stumbled over to her.

Margot joined him a second later, slamming into the back of him, a sob escaping her lips. 

"Tilly oh my god." She gasped, the phone at her ear forgotten.

"Margot, move back. Tell them to hurry." The police officer in the man took over as he moved towards the girl that was in all respects except biological, his daughter. Little did he know.

He bent and picked her up, cradling her to his chest. 

Tears welled up but he fought the panic back, stumbling into the living room.

He gently placed her down, fingers pressing to the side of her neck.

A faint thrumming met his touch and he exhaled a breath he didn't know he'd been holding. 

"Margot, get me some towels or blankets. Are the paramedics coming?"

"F...five minutes." She whispered, hastily gathering the towels from the bathroom.

She dropped them at his side and Rogers' quickly took one and wrapped it around her left arm.

"Grab another, wrap it around her other arm and press. Tight." He grit out, voice wavering a little.

His free hand brushed back wet blonde hair from her forehead, cupping her cheek.

"You can't do this to me, Till." Margot whispered, tears tracking down her cheeks. "You can't do this to us." She choked.

"Please, Tilly." Rogers' shook his head. 

This wasn't happening. It just wasn't.

It couldn't.

The girl he was holding so tightly too was literally dying in his arms and he couldn't do a damned thing.

How had he not seen this coming? After the hospital, after thinking for a second maybe she had tried to kill herself, how had he just let it slip?

"I'm so sorry, my sweet girl." He whispered, trying not to focus on the blood coating his hands.

Just press tightly. Keep checking her pulse. Check her breathing. Recovery position. Stem the blood.

Try not to think about the fact your almost daughter is bleeding out from cuts through her veins that she made herself.

Don't spiral. Tilly needs you. Margot needs you.

He dragged his gaze from Tilly's pale and slack face, looking up at Margot.

The girl was shuddering and trying to catch her breath, knuckles white as she held the bloodied towels tight.

"Breathe, love. The ambulance will be here soon."

"How...why...how did I not see this coming?" She choked out, shaking her head. "I love her so...so much and I...I wasn't there. I didn't..."

"Don't do that to yourself, Margot. Take a deep breath and keep holding. They'll be here soon."

They had to be here soon. He couldn't lose her.

He wouldn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe drop a comment below. Nothing nasty please. <3


End file.
